Reading Megabrain by Michael Hutchison. He talks about dissipative structures: order out of chaos. That chaos is necessary for growth. I have always recognized that out of grief, tragedy, illness comes great growth, but always felt (aided by a lot of nirvana-based New Age theory) that it was somehow a fault in me to need to create the scenarios. “Surely,” I would admonish myself, “you can be advanced enough to grow without these soap operas.”
Then later I wondered if I had at some level entered an agreement that I was prepared to grow and therefore more would be asked of me. This certainly helped with the desperate question, “why me?” when I watched others so easily move, travel, play their grandchildren when it was so hard for me.
Now in this book, he talks of the instability of artists, pointing out that creative people are more mentally fluid, with a richer neural network, which enables them to make connections and think outside the box. This mental turmoil leads to unusual insights as well as greater instability.
Perhaps the excitable, enthusiastic brain of mine is not the disorganized negative I have always thought. One teacher yoga said that with most people she was trying to raise them upl, but I was like a balloon on a string, something it was clear was not OK. This book has given me a new perspective – and more tolerance.