Have had awful tension in face and shoulders for days. Finally realized that it emanated from solar plexus. Penny dropped when read of Buddhist pilots being fatalistic in the face of an accident. According to Shirley Maclaine, one should never have a Buddhist pilot as they have a fatalistic approach to crashes. I had been reading more and more about Buddhism and meditation. Know have always been wary of meditation. Never known why, but it is the emptying of self, the handing over of autonomy.
And of course the prime reaction to breaking my ankle has been the loss of autonomy. I was surprised it hit me so hard, as did the feeling of lack of privacy – something I fought for growing up. Funny how for the last few days I had felt everything zeroed in on my teens. The tension just melted away with the realization that we were given free will and the whole point is to use it wisely and well.