When I wrote my blog entry Problematical Peace a few days ago, I was content. The Buddhist belief in acceptance, in knowing that I can't control the way the dice fall in life was finally taking root. It felt good letting go of my need to control the world around me. I reveled in the peace.
Then I noticed a tightening in my solar plexus, that fluttered on and off. A thought would cast a shadow, an involuntary withdrawal. It was worst when trying to rest or meditate. The solar plexus is the personal power centre. So what had changed?
Had letting go the need to control life gone too far? Had I mistakenly also handed over my will? Is my placidity just limpness? Yet my belief in personal choice has always been a cornerstone in my life. There is always a choice buried in every situation – somewhere. If I don't believe in the power of choice, what is left? Where is my free will?
So how do I find a healthy balance between acceptance, not kicking against the pricks, and choice, purpose and growth? And is my life of any value if I relinquish sovereignty? I must steer by a star, not drift on the waves. I can't control the weather, but I can take the rudder on my ship. It is pointless to try a King Canute on the waves, but it is possible to swim through them, rather than be tossed like flotsam on the beach.