“Through the direction and nature of our attention, we prove ourselves to be partners in creation.”
We said goodbye to our daughter today, sent her back home half across the world. My heart is with her now as she will be boarding her first flight. Two nights sitting up, stale airport air. Then pounding north from Johannesbug 4 hours, further still along a quiet road beneath eucalyptus trees. The hot, red earth, the smell of Africa, so far from the snows of Canada, where the sky wept as we drove home
She came with love and gave of herself, while Bill recouped and rested his heart. While I had another epidural for pain, so that I can better carry on. The pain is much worse for the two weeks following the injection. I gather that is rare, but it is my pattern, while the cortisone is slowly dispersing.
So she came – and we had two weeks of laughter, kindness and companionship. I remember my mother saying, perhaps to comfort herself, that she felt she knew me so much better because when we saw each other, we were immersed. She knew the pattern of my days, just as our daughter does now. She will know that we have a glass of wine at 4.00 and the shadow of her presence lingers. I can hear her step on the stairs and look across the room to her empty chair.
So what I have to do now is create for myself a reality filled with sunlight and her laughter. I have the choice: to see the flowers or the dung. I can choose my story.
And God whispers in my ear, “Don't be sorry for yourself – there is richness.”