Two selves; two voices in my head. The conversation, sometimes gossipy, sometimes kind; sometimes mean, sometimes loving; often garrulous and over excited. Then, underneath, the true words: kind, measured, generous, forgiving – not as much fun, but steadfast.
The first is my ego, wily and self-aggrandizing. My ego wants to be top, first, important and right. Having read Eckhart Tolle, I can easily spot it in action. It runs movies: usually of my mistakes, seldom of my high spots. It also builds itself up through comparison and criticism. I don’t think I would like my ego at all if I met it socially.
Yet underneath is my better self: quiet, humble and honest. I would like her very much if we met. In fact, she would be a good friend. So why does my ego so often hold the stage, preening and posturing, knowing best and being extremely tiresome? And why is it so punishing? Only yesterday I heard a psychologist point out how much more compassion we show others than ourselves. Bully for the ego, I thought.
More and more, these days, I hear my true self. No point even arguing with my ego – just don’t react. Let it babble on nonsensically. Funny, how much better it feels when I cut to the core, admit when I was wrong, accept where I am ignorant and let others go first.
We must go beyond the constant clamor of ego, beyond the tools of logic and reason,
to the still, calm place within us: the realm of the soul.