“Suppose I don't get better? Suppose they tell me this is it?” We were talking about my friend's sudden, out-of-the-blue neurological attack, which took her overnight from an active, hiking grandmother to shuffling with a walker. And unremitting pain. She has been incredibly determined and brave; slowly she is crawling back up from the pit and should recover. “But supposing……?”
Then It is a totally different ball game. While there's hope, you research possibilities and daily whip up your enthusiasm. Still claiming, “This isn't me. Not my reality. A passing nightmare”.
When the door is slammed, everything changes. As I tried to explain to my friend, you have to reach a place beyond pain, where your view is large enough that the pain becomes less significant. Your world view has to expand, even as your possibilities shrink. You no longer cheerlead yourself, no longer paint optimistic future pictures.
Instead, you take a birds' eye view, no longer living IN your body, but way above. Like that You-Tube video that starts with a girl lying on grass and zooms out into space. She gets smaller and the universe bigger. That's how I tried to get above my pain, the loss of an active participating life.
As I said in an earlier post, Barry Neil Kaufman points out that beliefs underlie our assumptions on life. Beliefs are not facts, but opinions – and you can always change an opinion. So I tried to change my world view from inside my life – activities, travel, even seeing my grandchildren – to a higher perspective, where life itself is magnificent. I may be small and limited, but joy exists in all its beauty – someone somewhere is young and in love, a student in St. Marks Square in Venice or watching the sun set over the Golden Gate Bridge.
Love, beauty and joy exist, even if I am not doing or feeling them myself. They are there, so life is good and generous. Life is beyond pain.
YouTube video Eye Zoom to Space – link
Above and Beyond – March 6, 2016 – link
Above and Beyond the Space of Pain – March 21, 2012 – link