And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year:
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God.
That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.
And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.
Learning to live with cancer is not another nuts and bolts problem to solve. No, it is learning to live in the part of me – my soul? – that still has choice, that will have identity way beyond this life. It is relating to life, not through quick texts or irritable dismissal. Nor through a todo list or a traffic jam. These will be gone.
Instead, I try to connect through essence. I listen to music before sleep: simple classical, where each note is liquid beauty. I hear another soul offering his perfection, the one right part of himself, whatever faults he may otherwise have had. The music of eternity.
I can't play or sing, but I can live as well as possible. So that lovingness is my soul music. And everyday I still put forward the prayer: may I be a blessing to someone today? When so often it is answered, I humbly glimpse another's soul.
So I write – perhaps self-centred, but I hope someone following me through this labyrinth may recognize my path and feel comfort.